The Dot Makes Its Debut

WARNING: I advise all men to STOP READING NOW. This topic will not interest you at all. Trust me. I’ll try to write about football or jock itch something equally manly tomorrow…

Lotus at Sarcastic Mom wrote a very funny post that I had no choice but to read after seeing the title: When I hated both my vagina and my mom, simultaneously. Go ahead. you know you’re going to click…

I started to comment about my own story, but as we all know how long-winded I am (and how in much in need of a post) here you go:

My sister was one of those crazy girls who was happy. She was so thrilled she called my Dad, “Daddy! I’m a WOMAN!”. Dad says my stepmother handed him a drink and a chair before she’d let him hear the news. Both were apparently needed.

I, on the other hand, had the proper please-just-let-the-earth-open-up-and-swallow me reaction. I didn’t think thoughts of, “I am now a WOMAN! Hear me roar!!!” I had thoughts of, “I’m going to feel like THIS every month for the next 40 years? And I can’t go swimming (in those days that was the prevailing wisdom)?!?!? This sucks!!!!!!!!!!”

When my Mom suggested I call my Dad I declined with all of the thirteen-year-old newly hormonal disgust I could convey. My Dad tells me he wondered when he didn’t get a phone call, so he checked with my sister when I was seventeen to make sure it had indeed arrived. He asked her instead of me to save me the embarrassment.

Thank G-d.

I won’t have to go through this with Son, thank goodness.

But, then again, there’s nocturnal emissions.

Oy.

The Best Mother’s Day Gift

I love gold hoop earrings. They’ve always been my “staple” earrings, and I’ve had several pair over the years. The ones I like are very thin, simple hoops, medium-sized and 14k gold. Over time they tend to break or bend or fall off, so they occasionally have to be replaced.

I have wanted a new pair of gold hoop earrings for about two years, ever since my last pair broke. A few times Husband has attempted to purchase some for me, but they are always either too small or too thick or too…not the ones I want. I always appreciate the thought and effort, but if they aren’t what I want I’m not going to wear them, so I’ve returned them. I don’t know why I never exchanged them - likely there was a big expense just around the corner and I thought I’d delay it until a little later. Only a little later never came.

Last week Husband was lamenting that he had no idea what to get me for Mother’s Day. After telling him to read my post he still wanted to purchase me a gift. He’s just gotten another nice check from Shutterstock for selling his animations, and since we agree he use that money for whatever he wants, I agreed. And I often have to remind myself that allowing people to give to me, being willing to receive, is a kindness to them. I have always veen more comfortable with the giving than the receiving. So, if my husband wants to buy me a gift, buy me a gift he will.

When I mentioned that I really wanted those gold hoop earrings he did not do a happy dance. “I never get the right ones,” he groaned. “You always return them.”

True, but I’d thought of a way around that. I suggested that we go together to buy them, then use a gift certificate we had for lunch at one of my favorite places. He agreed - and that right there was his real gift. Husband abhors shopping. I like it when he comes with me. Ergo it only happens about twice per year…

So after a lovely morning of sleeping late and hugs and kisses and a homemade card from my two favorite men, we headed off to the local flea market, purveyor of good deals. I’d bought my last pair there for about $45, and that was about $10 less than I’d seen them anywhere else at the time.

We went to several merchants, and the least expensive pair I found was $99. Seems the price of gold has gone up since the last time I bought some. Wow!

I just couldn’t justify spending $99 on a pair of hollow gold hoop earrings. Earrings that are so fragile they always break. So instead we found some identical gold-filled ones for $10. They’ll probably last about as long as the real gold ones, and I won’t freak if they break or get lost.

So, I let Husband buy me a gift.   And I saved him $89.

Good thing there’s no scorekeeping here.  His last gift was $4000.

I’m just not one of the women who want and expect extravagant gifts, especially for Mother’s Day.  The only gift I really need for Mother’s Day I received from G-d and Husband, and is the one that wakes me up every morning with a kiss on the cheek and an “I love you, Mommy.”

And that’s priceless.

How I Saved $10 in Gas

Husband has a pinched nerve, or something, in his neck-shoulder-arm region. While he’s no longer in agony it is still painful, and at this point he’s sick and tired of being in pain. Really, who could blame him?

I made an appointment for him with his orthopedist for tomorrow morning. Tonight as we cleared the dinner dishes I asked him if he wanted me to go with him.

He considered for a moment and asked if he was going to have to complete paperwork, and before I even answered him he said he’d like me to come.

I thought about it, and I’d need to change my plans for tomorrow. Not a huge problem, and I could do it, so I agreed.

After a moment I said, “Honey, do you really want me to come be with you? If you do then of course I will. But if you just want me to come to fill out your paperwork for you, well, then I’d rather not waste the gas.”

As I’m speaking a huge cheshire cat grin spreads across his face.

“Yeah,” he said. “Okay. You don’t have to come.”

Then he asked, “How did you know?”

“You’re not new,” I replied.

Deal of the Day May 5, 2008

This is for all of you little ladies. If I wasn’t so emotionally healthy I’d hate you and your size twos. But I am emotionally healthy, so I want to help you save some money.

Aren’t I grand?

Petite Sophisticate’s Summer Kick-off Event cuts purchases on regular priced merchandise sitewide by 40%. Additionally, all clearance items enjoy an extra 50% off. They’re also offering coupon code 776576407 for 20% off purchases of $75. It’s unknown if this coupon stacks with their current sale prices. Summer Kick-off Event ends 05/19/2008, coupon expires 06/30/2008.

Subscribe to my RSS feed to make sure you don’t miss a thing!

Check back tomorrow for another great deal!

Competitive Credit

Husband has been asking me for almost a year to get his credit score. He’d been talking to a girl he works with and wanted to confirm that his score was higher than hers, most likely to gloat.

I’d avoided doing this because I don’t want to pay just to get the score, and indeed they charge you. Of course you’re entitled to one free report per year by going to www.annualcreditreport.com, but those reports do not include your credit score. I know we both have excellent credit, so to me the exact number is unimportant. I didn’t think spending money so Husband could beat his chest in superiority was a frugal choice.

Well, today he asked me about it again, and pretty much insisted. I’m his wife, not his mother or his boss. It’s important to him, even if I disagree. Still, I wasn’t going to pay for it so I went to www.experian.com and signed us up for their Triple Advantage credit monitoring service’s seven day free trial. I can get copies of our reports, including the score, and if I cancel during the trial period they will not charge my credit card. Of course I will thoroughly explore the Triple Advantage Program and not decide until my free trial is up whether or not to keep the service. Anything else would be unfair, would it not?

I ran Husband’s report first. His score is excellent, just as we expected. Approximately 95% of Americans have a lower score than he. Bravo! But not his co-worker. Uh-oh.

I then ran mine. My score was also excellent, just as we expected. Approximately 99.97% of Americans have a lower score than me.

Including Husband.

Hee hee.

Deal of the Day April 29, 2008

Yes, it’s two ice cream deals in a row. I’m going to post it extra-early to make sure everyone sees it in time to take advantage…

Stop by your local Ben & Jerry’s ice cream shop today during Free Cone Day and get yours. It’s their way of thanking everyone for 30 great years. Chunky Monkey here we come! Valid 04/29/2008 only.

No, you don’t have to thank me.

Check back tomorrow for another great deal!

Subscribe to my RSS feed to make sure you don’t miss a thing!

Wish I Had Some Pretend Money

Son is nearly four and has just recently started asking me to buy him things. Last week we were at the airport waiting for some relatives and he eyed the Dunkin’ Donuts kiosk a few feet away.

“I want a donut!” was out of his mouth before the kiosk even registered in my subconscious.

“You do?”

“Yes!”

I looked at him and asked, “Well, do you have any money?” This is my standard response to that type of statement.

He looked at me, reached into his pocket and said, “I have pretend money!” This is his standard response to that type of statement.

“Hmmm,” I replied, “I don’t think the lady will take pretend money. You need real money to buy donuts and toys and food and trains.”

My determined little guy pronounced, “Yes she will!” and proceeded to walk up to the cashier and offer her pretend money in exchange for a donut.

The lady declined, despite the extreme cuteness factor.

I did not buy him a donut. I wanted him to take the lesson with him.

This morning we were in a store and he saw a toy he really wanted. We had the same conversation we had at the airport (with truck substituted for donut), but this time when I told him I didn’t think the lady would take the pretend money he looked at the cashier, looked at the toy and put it back on the shelf.

And my son just learned something about money.

I’d love to find someplace that takes pretend money. I could use me some of that.

Agony

Well, we had an interesting day.

I woke at 5 am to whimpering. Thinking something was wrong with Son I jumped out of bed.

Turns out it was Husband, and he was in our bathroom about to run a bath. He had what he thought was a pulled muscle in his upper back/shoulder/neck, and was in an incredible amount of pain. He was moaning and cursing and breathing hard. I’d never seen him like that before.

So he soaked in the warm tub for awhile, and Son woke up shortly thereafter. I kept him away from Husband but could still hear him upstairs moaning. I kept asking if he wanted to go to a doctor or the hospital and he refused. I called his sister who happened to have some muscle relaxers, and she dropped them off on her way to work.

An hour later he couldn’t take it anymore. At this point we figured it was a pinched nerve because there was no relief, no matter how he positioned his body. I was going to take him to the hospital, but he asked me to call a family friend who is a chiropractor instead.

I’m skeptical of chiropractic care. Most of the chiropractors I’ve met have seemed more like used car salesmen than doctors. I’m not saying they don’t help anyone, but they’ve surely never helped me. I went several times to this same man after I threw out my back, and I tried him again when I was pregnant and Son was camped out on my sciatic nerve. It was of no help to me at all. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

Still, Husband swears by chiropractic, so of course we go.

After one of the most disturbing car rides of my life (lots of moaning and even some tears, along with his observation that I’d never be able to handle the kind of pain he was dealing with (never mind the 8 hours of hard labor, six without an epidural, thankyouverymuch )), said friend saw Husband a half hour later. “Doc” pushed and prodded and massaged and electrically stimulated for about 45 minutes and Husband walked out of there a new man. Doc says he had two ribs that were out of place. I say he has a pinched nerve. But whatever, he feels better. $120 of not-covered-by-insurance fees later.

And thank goodness. I hated to see him in so much pain. It was really awful. Husband is a power-through-the-pain guy, and to see him in agony and not be able to help was no fun at all.

He slept most of the afternoon, and it started to bother him a bit around 4 pm. Long story short we were back at Doc’s office at 9:45pm, a sleeping Son in his PJs in the car with us. Doc offering to meet us so late was a godsend, even though he was a little surly. Now he’s telling us he doesn’t know if he can do much more, that the spot is really angry and needs to settle down. And he’s also asking for cash, as he doesn’t want to pay the credit card fees. Okay, fine. But it would have been better if you told me that before we left the house, as we have about $20 on us. I offered to write a check and mail it the next day, but the family friend opted to pay the credit card fees on the $60 of not-covered-by-insurance fees instead of letting me mail him a check. Whatever.

Sigh.

As I’m writing this Son is back sleeping in his bed, Husband is flat on his back in ours. I’m trying to get the image of my husband in agony out of my head. I want him to heal quickly.

Because he’s definitely getting poked in the eye for telling the woman who bore his child that she couldn’t handle pain.

Love Uncluttered

I spent the past two weeks pretty entrenched in family stuff. My Dad is selling his house and buying a condo on the beach. My sisters were in town, so we’ve been furniture shopping and started to sort through some of the stuff in the house, figuring out what he’ll take with him (15%), what my brothers and sisters and I will take (15%) and what will be sold at the massive garage sale we’ll have (we can all figure out this percentage, I hope).

I’ve talked in the past about the mounds and mounds of clutter and crap my stepmother amassed. My Dad lived in a house full of clutter with her for thirty-five years and never complained. The house was always relatively clean, but there was nary a surface unoccupied. And as each of us moved out of the house she took over our rooms and filled the closets and drawers with little gifts she thought the kids would like, or napkins for a future dinner party, or address books (we’ve found at least twenty, filled with the same addresses over and over and over again). There are hundreds of glasses, every kitchen gizmo and gadget you can think of (and some we still have no clue about), family heirlooms and enough serving dishes to give one to every soldier in Iraq. Well, not really. But a LOT.

Now that she’s not there my Dad’s innate need for order (I am an accountant’s daughter) has resurfaced, and with a vengeance. He cannot tolerate any new mess, any new clutter. Extra food brought into the house for the duration of my sisters’ stay is already out of the house, and my sister doesn’t leave until tomorrow. This after noon he asked us to clean up the kids’ toys, about 1/2 hour before more grandkids were showing up. We explained and he relented, but the mess really bothers him.

His new home will be very different from the one he lives in today. The furniture will be less ornate (his new bedroom and dining room sets are lovely and elegant with very clean lines), there will be surfaces uncluttered, and likely there will be empty drawers. To me a much more relaxing place to be.

But that’s not the point.

What’s so fascinating, so wonderful, so cool, is how he adapted for the woman he loved. She brought him so much joy that he learned to live with the clutter, the shopping bags, and the bills. He didn’t try to control the house or her love of stuff. I don’t think he even noticed that much; not until she was gone.

We all deserve to be loved like that, don’t we?

Husband Had a Date With Another Woman, And I’m Worried

But not about the date.

Tonight Husband had a date. Her name is J, and she was just laid off from the company where Husband works. She’s a nice girl, and Husband is very concerned about her (going through a divorce with two young kids) and the company he works for.

Husband’s company has laid off about a third of its workforce in the past eight months. That would be surprising, but not when we’re in the middle of a real estate slowdown of epic proportions and you happen to be an advertising agency whose specialty is real estate. Management is swimming upstream in floaties trying to secure new, more diverse accounts, and throwing off baggage left and right, including baggage they need to keep afloat.

So, I’m worried about the viability of this company.

I’m worried because Husband makes 25% more working for this agency, who is well aware of his special qualifications, than he would be for a new company not used to paying his current salary to someone in his position.

I’m worried because Husband has Diabetes and Son has asthma and we’ll be paying thousands a month in COBRA until he gets past his probation period with any new company.

I’m worried because we want to move but can’t sell our house.

I’m worried that he’ll get a job in another state and we’ll be separated until the house sells.

I’m worried that he’ll have to take a job at too-low pay doing something that will leave him unfulfilled and frustrated.

I’m worried he won’t find a job at all.

I’m worried that I’ll have to go back to work.

I’m worried about depleting our very comforting and healthy savings balance.

What I’m not worried about is Husband spending time with another woman.

What I know is that we’ll make the best of whatever comes our way, even as I’m worrying.