My Lip Is Now the Same Size as My Ass

At least it feels that way.

In addition to every other stress I brought to the dentist today, I was also dealing with a new dentist. I chose him in the most logical, careful, intelligent way possible. I chose his name off our provider list based on his location. After all, it was a crapshoot anyway.

The office? Old and somewhat dingy. The dentist? Youngish. The staff? FANtastic. Son eased the way for me, charming the panties off of all of them.

The dentist seemed young and arrogant, and like all dentists thought that by telling me to relax it would ease my anxiety. After looking at my face I think he realized the ridiculousness of that statement because he added, “Just please don’t kick or punch me.”

“Don’t worry,” I replied. “I’m not a kicker. I’m a moaner and a crier. ” I’m not entirely sure he was relieved.

After looking at my tooth it was determined that a filling had indeed fallen out, but he may not be able to fill it. I may need a root canal and a crown. He’d have to get in there and clean it out before he could tell for sure. I was somewhat skeptical and worried that he’d tell me I needed the root canal whether or not I actually did, but at this point I’m at his mercy.

His assistant came in to go over the figures with me and I was happy to find out that if I did indeed need the root canal and crown I’d pay about $500 out of pocket, about 75% less than the $2000 charge. If he could do just a filling it would be about $100.

Either way I had to have Novacaine. And I hate, hate, hate being numb. And I always need a lot, because my “roots are really deep!” Deep roots. Just what I needed. Two shots, ladies and gentlemen. Woo. Hoo.

We had Son leave the room because I wasn’t sure I could hold it together. They were wonderful and set him up in a room with the books and cars we’d brought, and he continued to charm the staffers even while he roamed the office in search of more bathrooms.

Turns out I got lucky and just needed a filling. That made me feel great because:

a. I wouldn’t have to go through a root canal,

b. I wouldn’t have to pay for a root canal, and

c. The dentist was trustworthy.

And I didn’t cry. Take that Dr. Schorr and Dr. Schachter!

So, here I sit nearly two hours later with a lip that feels just as big as my ass. I’m $100 poorer. But there was a grocery store next to the dentist’s office that I don’t normally go to, and they were selling sirloin steaks buy 1 get two free. So I got 12 very nice sirloins for $18.

I’ll be able to have one when the numbness subsides. I’m figuring it should be gone by Thursday.

And I didn’t cry.


2 Responses to “My Lip Is Now the Same Size as My Ass”

  1. Good Fountain Says:

    Yay for not crying and setting a good example for your son!

    and I’m impressed that the staff was so helpful with him!

  2. Funny about Money Says:

    Huzzah! What a woman!

    Young dentist, eh? The kid was probably just as scared as you were, which is prob’ly why he came across as “arrogant.” Dentists have really serious stress problems caused by their psychological reaction to inflicting pain (real or perceived) on their patients. They hate that.

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