Okay, all of the dirty-minded people to the left, and please move it right along…
I don’t know what it is. I don’t frequent construction sites, dirt roads or grassy fields. I ride suburban streets and highways and never park in the far reaches of parking lots.
I am an average driver in an average town on average roads. Yet I, or more directly my tires, pick up screws far more than the norm. In a 2 week period last year I came home with three screws – all discovered only when noticing my tire was flat.
I have AAA, so getting them to come out is easy. They do charge, however, to plug a tire. The first time a screw followed me home the tow truck driver tried to charge me $20 for the plug, and I knew I was being overcharged. I talked him down to $10, and decided to go buy a tire repair kit for $6 in case it happened again. After all, Husband has an air compressor – it would be an easy (for him) fix.
When it happened two more times in about a week we were glad we’d made the investment. I was puzzled about how it kept happening, but Husband was convinced that someone in the neighborhood really didn’t like me. He went so far as to stand outside and announce to whomever might be listening (hopefully the perpetrator) that if he found out who it was that was putting shiny things in my tires, he would rip off their arms and use them to beat the perpetrator to death things would get unpleasant…
That was several months ago, and things have been quiet since. All my tires have remained intact, even after we moved and I had to drive by a new home construction site in our new neighborhood every single day.
Things were quiet, until today. I’d only been out shortly, to go to the cemetery to pay respects to my stepmother on her birthday, and then to lunch with my Dad. I came home, did some work in the yard, cooked dinner, then went back into the yard to do some clean-up.
As we were walking back towards the house, Husband exclaimed, “Oh my G-D!!!! You have a flat tire!!! What is it with you and screws?!!!!” I walked over and sure enough, right there on top of the tire in plain view was a nice, shiny screw.
As Husband fixed the tire I got treated to a non-stop commentary as Husband debunked his original theory (gee, you really like me!) and came up with a new theory that made me something of the Mistress of Murphy’s Law as pertains to screws.
Well, I do like shiny things. But I prefer them on my fingers and in my ears, and Husband prefers his screws to remain in his toolbox.
And I think he’s a little disappointed he’s not going to get to tear off anybody’s arms, but life is full of little disappointments.