Today is my 7th wedding anniversary. I love him even more today than the day we married. My respect for him as a husband and a father have grown exponentially. He is a good man.
He would never cheat on me. This I know. He has way too much integrity for that, and his rock-solid integrity is one of the things that attracted me the most.
And I’d never cheat on him. This I know, too. I’ve never been unfaithful in any committed relationship. Ever.
Because fidelity isn’t about the other person in the relationship. Ever. Fidelity is a personal issue, between me and me. My feelings on fidelity were formed at the age of six, seeing and living with the aftermath when my father left my mother for another woman. Over the years, seeing the unnecessary pain and hurt caused by those who cheat cemented those beliefs. Unshakably.
Even if Husband wasn’t a good husband, or a good man, I would not cheat. Bad behavior on someone else’s part does not excuse self-destructive, dishonest behavior on my part. There’s just no room for it in my reality.
I could never understand why unmarried people don’t just break off one relationship before starting another. Are they that insecure that they can’t spend a moment alone? Do they have so little respect for their partners and themselves? Or is it just the thrill of doing something dark and dirty? “John, I don’t want to see you anymore.” It’s really not that hard, folks.
Married people, especially those with children, deserve a great deal of censure for infidelity, in my opinion. Is an orgasm worth ruining your life? Your child’s life???? Are you really going to justify your behavior by saying that what they don’t know won’t hurt them, or your spouse doesn’t understand you, or they cheated first? Do you really buy the lie that children are resilient? Are you that selfish to think that your needs should come first? Do you not understand what a VOW is?
What is so alarming to me is that having an affair is no longer a sweaty secret, forcing participants to put themselves out there and risk rejection of their spurious advances. There are people now that capitalize on this market, previously untapped by all but street prostitutes, escort services and pitiful personal ads. It’s now in the bright light of day, given an aura of, dare I say it, faux respectability.
Because now there are dating services that cater to those looking for a little on the side. The tag line of one such agency says it all: “Life is short. Have an affair.”
September 21, 2009 at 2:42 pm
I agree 100% with everything you said. My mother has been married four times and infidelity has been there, even if she thinks we didn’t see it. I admire myself too much to behave in such a demeaning fashion. If I don’t want to be married anymore, it is up to me to handle it well. If, for some reason, after 20 years of marriage I’ve decided my husband isn’t the man for me, then I owe myself (not just him) the respect of handling it like an adult…not a teenager who thinks she could “get away” with something….ugh! P.S. Since we have children together, there is no escape clause…we made a commitment to those children. I guess he’s stuck with me 😉 !
September 21, 2009 at 2:43 pm
P.S. Happy Anniversary!