I May Be Smart, But I Sure Am Dumb

Some epiphanies are wonderful. They can be freeing, inspirational and life-changing, all in good ways.

Others just show you how fricking dumb you are.

Case in point: A few weeks ago I reconnected with a Guy with whom I had an on-again off-again relationship that lasted over ten years. I really, really cared about him, and we were pretty close, but we were wrong for each other in many ways. None of which I cared about at the time, of course. Ahhh, youth. To be brutally honest, he loved me but wasn’t in love with me.

Ouch.

We’d been close friends before we got together, and remained so throughout the years. We’d met in college, and shared a group of friends who are to this day my best friends. Husband knew him and they were friendly, but not close, and at the time Husband and I were years away from getting together. When Guy and I broke up for the last time (circa 1993) he started seeing a woman who he is still seeing today, fifteen years later. When she realized that he and I had a history it made her uncomfortable, and I was uncomfortable but braving it out, and he was really uncomfortable. He started pulling away from the group, the visits becoming more and more sporadic. Eventually about six years ago he stopped seeing us at all. He stopped calling completely about four years ago, and the last attempt at connection was the birth announcement I sent after Son was born, to which there was no reply.

We got the message. Given that I was now happily married and busy with my son he wasn’t even close to foremost in my thoughts, but occasionally I would think about him and wonder how he was. Then, a few weeks ago, I was doing a search for something and ran across a site that helped you find people, and they listed known associates and businesses and lots of cool, readily available information about people. I looked up myself, my friends, my family, high school people, my old boss and, eventually, that Guy. It listed a business that he had apparently opened, so I sent him an e-mail.

Mind you, Husband is the least jealous person I’ve ever known, but still I told him I’d found Guy, and was going to send him an e-mail. He told me to go for it, as I knew he would. Minutes later Guy and I were chatting, catching up on each other’s lives. Clearing up the misunderstandings that had kept him away.

We’ve seen each other a few times since. He tells me that when he told his girlfriend that I’d contacted him and was now married and had a child, she said, “Great! Let’s all get together for dinner!”. We haven’t yet, but I know we will. He’s the friend I mentioned yesterday who asked us to design a new website for his business. Last weekend I hosted a dinner party with Guy (girlfriend was out of town) and the closest of our mutual friends, and it was wonderful. As if no time had passed since we’d all been together.

As we chatted through dinner and beyond, one thing became apparent that I’d never noticed before….

Their favorite show (Stargate)…their politics…their conspiracy-theory brotherhood. Their slight paranoia…their passion…their cynicism…

Uh oh.

And as it was dawning on me during a particularly spirited exchange between Husband and Guy I looked over at our friend I’ll call Godfather (of Son, not of Pacino) and he was grinning at me.

Oh.

My.

G-d.

“Yes, ” Godfather said.

“I never, ever noticed before,” I said, my hands pressed against my face.

“Yes,” Godfather said.

“They’re so much alike!” I say.

Yes, indeed,” agreed Godfather.

I just put my hands over my face and tried to turn off my brain. Since that night I’ve thought about it some, and mostly hoped that sometime really soon I’ll find it completely amusing. Which it is.

Then, tonight, Guy called. After the usual chatter and discussion of the dinner party wound down, he said to me, “There’s something I noticed that night. My gosh, Husband is just like me!”

Yes, indeed.

Freud anyone?

I love Husband. And yes, there are similarities. But the life and the feelings and the commitment that Husband and I share is far deeper and means far more to me than any relationship I’ve ever had before. By about a brazilian (does anyone else love that joke as much as I do?) miles. Guy is my past. Husband is my past, my present and my future.

So, we’ll stay in contact now, because good friends are good to have.

I just don’t want to know what else I’ve been so dumb about.

Tonight I Ran Away From Home

I got really angry earlier this evening. Disproportionately angry. Could-feel-the-blood-coursing-through-my-veins angry.

My husband and I had a small spat. As I was expressing my displeasure (not nearly as civilly as that phrase suggests) I could feel my anger build – and even as it was happening I knew the anger was disproportionate to his (as I perceived it) transgression.

I walked into the other room, and my three-year-old started whining. And whining. And then he wasn’t listening. The very last thing that I needed to be dealing with, angry as I was. I sent him up to his father, and I sat here. And I seethed. For a long time. Very unusual for me – my anger usually abates very quickly.

A friend suggested that I get out of the house. That friend lives a thousand miles away, so I called up a local friend that I hadn’t talked to in about 8 months and made plans to get together with her. I spoke to my husband and he was pretty supportive (he knows how rare it is that I react as I did), though he did request I be home by ten. I was noncommittal.

So my friend and I went and played Bingo, and then went out for a drink. It was good to get out, and Bingo is always fun (though I always think I should do my hair in a beehive and bring kewpie dolls as good luck charms).

So, now I’m home, mellowed a bit on my 1/2 glass of wine (it really doesn’t take much alcohol to get me buzzed), and am not wanting to poke my husband in the eye any more. Good thing he had no comment about my 11:45 arrival…

And another thing – I am soooooooo glad I’m not single anymore. Listening to my friend talk about her dating stuff, looking around at the obviously single people in that bar…ugh. I enjoyed being single, but the dating scene was always very stressful for me. It’s good to know I’m home. In more ways than one.

Win a Date with Drew and You Too Can Disappear!

Drew Peterson’s wife Stacey disappeared in late October and hasn’t been seen since. The court of public opinion, right or wrong, has already decided that he killed her. As an ex-police officer, he’s a good candidate for the almost-perfect crime.

Most of America has been appalled by his behavior – hamming it up for the cameras, making jokes and exhibiting all kinds of horribly inappropriate behavior. Even if he were not responsible for her disappearance, she is the mother of his children and she is missing. A little decorum, please. And consideration for your children, for goodness sake!

He hasn’t been in the news recently, and then today he was.

Apparently, he and his attorney suggested to a Chicago Deejay that Drew appear on his program for a “Win a Date With Drew” promotion. Excuse me while I vomit.

Really, could he be any more arrogant?

Thankfully the station put the kebash to the idea.

But you know the worst part? There would have been women who participated. In fact, I’m willing to bet he gets at least some love letters. Heck, lots of men on Death Row are married to women they’ve never touched (lucky for the woman), who have convinced themselves of the man’s innocence in a misguided attempt to find the love they never got from their daddies, or something.

Women can be so stupid. It’s so embarrassing.

The Bachelor Says “No Thank You.”

Tonight the final Two Bachelorettes, who are still Bachelorettes, came back to bitch out Brad.I don’t get why they’re arguing with him.  He’s not wrong not to have fallen in love.  He’s not wrong to have not told them – that’s the premise of the show that they all signed up for, for goodness sake.  It’s not wrong that he dated them and then decided he didn’t want either.

It’s not ingenuine to see that someone is wonderful and has all of the qualities you are looking for, but you just don’t get the butterflies.  It’s not explainable, and they tried to force him to explain.

The whole idea of dating is to try someone on and see if they fit.  If they don’t fit, well, you move on.  What they do with The Bachelor is accellerate the process by having you date 25 people all at once.   If neither of the final two are right for him, why should he have to choose one?  Just because they’re on a TV show?  That has a history of stringing along the women until they get the boot?  I just wonder if that wasn’t his plan all along.

Ladies, have some dignity.  He’s just not that into you.

See my comments after the Final Rose Ceremony here.

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