Today is not one of those days. This news isn’t onerous, it’s odorous.
Apparently it is against the law to pass gas in Charleston, West Virginia. Well, at least in the presence of a police officer. And if you are so unfortunate as to fart in front of a police officer, it is in your best interest not to fan it towards him or her, even if the fanning is meant as self-preservation, not assault.
Apparently in Charleston, West Virginia the prosecutors are so bored that they are stretching the definition of battery to include fluffy attack.
It’s a good thing it wasn’t an SBD, or they’d have to a heck of a time proving he was the, er, perp. They’d have to interrogate everybody present:
Prosecutor: Mr. Cruz, did you in fact fart in front of Patrolman Parsons?
Mr. Cruz: Wasn’t me!
Prosecutor: Mr. Cruz, Patrolman Parsons smelled it.
Mr. Cruz: Well, he who smelt it, dealt it!
Prosecutor: He who denied it, supplied it!
Okay, I’m done.
I hope his sentence isn’t too harsh. Perhaps instead of Taps this will be played at his sentencing…
NOW I’m done.