You’re going to give me $50,000 to do what?

Oh, it’s a tempting offer. But it’s likely not open to you, unless you’ve got a Jewish mother.

A congregation in the self-proclaimed Peanut Capital of the World, also known as Dothan, Alabama, is so lacking in Jewbies they’re offering up to $50,000 to Jews who move there. And if you stay at least five years you don’t have to repay it.

$50,000. Fifty. Thousand. Sheckels.

To live in a town dotted with big fiberglass peanuts painted to resemble characters and people — including an Elvis peanut. A place where the politics are hard right in an area with a history of racism and anti-semitism as long as the sleeve of your hooded white cloak.

To live in a place that’s quiet and family-oriented, where we can afford a house and see the change of seasons.

A place that’s growing and changing.

A place that’s less than thirty miles from the best man in our wedding, who lives across the border in Florida but comes to Dothan to attend this same temple with his wife and four kids most weeks.

Oh, that’s a tempting offer. Fifty thousand could make a nice difference in our lives. A really nice difference.

I wonder if Husband’s non-Jew status would affect our eligibility. We are raising Son Jewish (Husband refuses to attend church, so that was a no-brainer), and even if Husband was Jewish he’d still not participate in the Men’s Club… And he is circumcised…

I’d finally have people to play Mah Jjong with!

But could Husband find a job? It’s Dothan, Alabama! Do they even have any advertising agencies?

Fifty thousand dollars!

Husband has been there. Says I wouldn’t like it.

$50,000 would really help me overlook some of Dothan’s negatives. Not all of them, but at least twelve. Of the medium-sized negatives. Or one big one.

I could put up with an awful lot for five years for $50,000.

I’m making a call to Dothan tomorrow. No harm in getting the details, is there?

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A Jewish Dilemma…Chanukah Ham

Ever hear the one about the Jewish dilemma – free ham?

Well, apparently New York’s Balducci’s grocery store doesn’t get that joke.  According to blogger NancyKay Shapiro , some well intentioned but seriously clueless staffer there thought it would be a good idea to advertise their hams on cards that say, “Delicious for Chanukah“.

Oh, yes they did.

Really.

She has pictures, too.

And, in the spirit of true capitalism (and lending credence to a certain stereotype), she is already selling mugs, shirts and aprons sporting said photos.

Oh, yes she is.

They’d make great Chanukah gifts.